Expectations part 2

Here are some topics and tips to help you voice expectations.

Finances. Still the number one cause of marital mishap. Discuss your expectations concerning spending, saving, credit cards, etc. and agree on a plan. If you want to buy a new fridge, talk it out.

She wants a new bathroom; he a new workshop. With big items discuss needs verses wants along with short, medium, and long term goals.  Agree on a plan and be flexible.  Talk about your druthers concerning televisions, cars, or other expensive purchases.   If he wants a big screen but she wants and new microwave, a plan needs to be drawn up.

Sex. Expectations differ because men and women differ.  Lovingly voice expectations and be considerate.  And remember, sex talk boosts love making.   Most couples’ sex life plateaus within a few years of marriage, but it need not be so.  Talking sex keeps it interesting.   Talk about sex as you would anything else. Be detailed, clear, and caring.

Men and women send out different sex cues.  In fact, men are poor sex cue senders, it is better to just say, “Hon, I want to make love soon,” than to try and send effective cues.

Talking out expectations is good, but men would rather do than talk.  So find his talk threshold. Allow him to tell you when he’s maxed out and then go do something together. Rather than talk about emotional distance, make love.

How about children, chores, education, careers, in-laws, or holidays?  Share expectations on these topics, but give it time, you cannot tackle it all in one sitting. Do not unload a lifetime of pent up frustration.

When you share expectations daily, you begin a powerful routine that will smooth your marriage landscape. Sharing expectations puts your relationship and creates partnership. Agree on a topic and pick a quiet safe place to talk without distractions. If you get ruffled due to disagreement, stop and take a break. Try again later – you will get the hang of it.  Soon you will be sharing and fulfilling expectations.  It can make for smooth sailing – expect it.

Categories Articles, Marriage Tips | Tags: , , | Posted on October 20, 2010

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